I am paralyzed with fear!

I am without a job.

I am trying to study insurance, as we all need it, we all should have it, and it is something I know I can do to help people as time goes on.

I'm concentrating on life insurance for now, then I'll move and and learn more as I can eventually moving myself into a place where I can do more and more... OR SO I KEEP telling myself.

I feel like I've been shot.
I feel like I'm cracked and about to fall apart.
I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
I feel forgotten!

I have horses and birds to feed.
One horse is special needs... medical issues and all. While the other is a good horse, just a little crazy in the brain! But I love them both.

I have birds, three... one is special needs, she has but one eye, one good leg, and is fearful of the other birds at this point.  She needs more attention than the others

I'm not sure how this is going to work, as I am trying to study it is all online... I want a book, I crave a highlighter! I want to put sticky notes on pages and finger through them before I start a new chapter.  Chapter my @$$! a chapter is feeling more like a book.  I have yet to make it through a full chapter!

OH how scared I am!
OH I can only hope I can do this for me, for my family, for my animals...
please send me positive energy!
Please think or send good thoughts my way!