The story of my little scar... from behind my left ear to the right corner of my mouth.  And while it will insist I look older as I age, I could care less because it allowed me to look human in my 30's !   That little scar was the life change I needed, I had made several changes in my life but I was more absorbed by experiencing freedom... instead of living a life I would always enjoy.

I got up in a panic that day! I had over slept from an experience (Jack Daniels, 1st time... last time) the night before (to put it nicely) I was almost late getting my Ridgeback to the Vet for her bi-weekly shot for her hips.  She had gotten hit by a truck previously... We drove the shortcut through to get her to Pleasant View, made it for her appointment and we were driving home.  I NEVER put on a seat belt back then, and I could have cared less about speed limits, but I got off the interstate, slowed down,  as voice in my head told me to put on my seat belt, put the dog in the back seat, and for once I listened! I was driving along thinking this is crazy!  Deepak is always up front with me ... what am I doing?   All of a sudden as I was taking the right hand curve something happened ????? The rear right tire was a blow out!   There was no time to think about it, it was fight the vehicle or take the ditch.  So I decided to take the ditch! In doing so the poor rag top jeep thing... flipped back into the road, rolling down the road a few yards, bouncing my head against the pavement a few times, and finally came to a stop, after taking out a mail box and landing on it's side.  

The dog was screaming! I had to get out, get her, where am I? After crawling out the roof I realized,  she was caught between the roll cage and the pavement through the plastic window.  I pulled her out and she seemed 1/2 way OK.  I then realized I couldn't move my neck; in any direction.  Deepak started walking, looked back at me, I walked over to her, pat her on the head, and she would walk ahead again till I could see her, stop, look back at me, I'd catch up; pat her on the head... and this continued very... slowly till we reached the nearest house.  

The woman that opened the door started screaming! I mean screaming at the top of her lungs! Terrified worse than a theme ride; but not quite a horror movie scream.  She RAN back in the house grabbing a kitchen towel and shoved it in my neck.  I realized I couldn't talk really well, all I knew was I was NOW terrified because of the towel... In my mind I was thinking...  I'm gonna die, not from the wreck but the kitchen towel.  I've got a KITCHEN towel in my neck and bacteria/ CRAP it is going to kill me.. I'll die of an infection!  I put pressure on the towel?  just because I could feel the warmth of fluids at this point.  I was staring to loose my adrenalin so ... I had to think... what next... what next...I was YELLING at myself ( ONLY IN MY MIND)  The woman was screaming uncontrollably into the phone.  Repeating herself  time and time again... I can see... I can see her.... spine ? 

It was NOT my spine it was only my trachea , jaw bone, teeth etc... although I knew I was loosing a lot of blood... I've got to lay down! I started talking best I could to the woman on the phone...as she was screaming at  911 and repeating everything to them again and again..  I have to lay down!   I've got to get my feet up, my head down...   I only then realized I could not use my left arm, could not get myself down on the ground with out help.  Can You Help ME?  911 still on the phone!... she finally started talking to me,  I have to get my head down and my feet above my head. why? she asked... I need to get my feet above my head before I go into shock! Please! Are you a nurse? NO I'm not I just need help.  Terrified she didn't want to touch me.  (not that I can blame her!)  Can you call my Mother! I said... of course she was at work? so no answer... Can you call my Aunt ? 

A man came around the corner of the house because of all the screaming!  An old man (thank goodness) because he wasn't as scared to touch me with all the bodily fluids  (blood) all over me.  I finally got down on the sidewalk with his help.  And Deepak (my Rhodesian ridgeback)  immediately sat on my right shoulder and would not move.  He backed off, the woman was on the phone with someone else, and I was just laying there!  Why doesn't this hurt? I never calmed down enough to have pain while in the yard of a stranger.

Time passed, an ambulance arrived... He could not get anywhere near me, Deepak would not move! She would not respond to my Donald duck sounding voice.  I was starting to get worried and he wanted to call the cops to get the dog.  Finally my Aunt Gale drives up!   They start yelling at her to get the dog, she tells Deepak ONCE to get in the car and the issue was quickly resolved.  

We're taking you to Springfield... NO YOUR NOT! I said..  Yes mam, unless you want to go somewhere else.  St Thomas Please... That's too far mam .  He had apparently not noticed the kitchen towel, it had visually meshed into the mess on my neck.  Take that towel out of my neck ( with my Donald duck sounding voice) ... What towel? I pulled it out! and the look on his face was tolerable but I looked over at my aunt walking back to me and LOOK ON MY AUNTS FACE? went pale white... as I thought she was going to pass out or get sick, or DIE...

I started yelling she's going to have a heart attack , take care of her... oh my ... look at her... The other guy tended to Aunt Gale and my guy calmly says... OK, We'll take you to Vanderbilt, this is going to be a level??? ( I don't remember)    OK! That's fine, just no Springfield  ( new hospital was not fully functional at this point)  I was relieved and willing to go anywhere but down the road.

I do not remember the trip to Vandy.  No more than I remember the one when I fell on the sidewalk in Goodlettsville years earlier.  All I remember is asking for a plastic surgeon for my face to limit the scars... one by one 4 doctors come in saying hello, looking at my face and saying NO can't do it!  After 3 hours of test, no pain medications (because my head was blue/ busied all over) MRI facility shut down, finally they were rolling me across that aggregate sidewalk to the semi with the MRI, worrying about all the metal in my body, trying to keep my mind together as my family ? looks at me like I am a monster.  Sisters walking in and walking out with tears, not knowing what to say.  Dad finally cracked a joke that maybe I could get boob implants while there in there!  The whole is deep enough! He could just reach right in there and put it in place ... He's a funny guy! He was just doing EXACTLY what I needed.  I needed something else to focus on. (the open area of the neck was LARGE to put it nicely... the skin contracted up and down and the angle of the cut was from the very side of my neck to the front beyond the middle)  My poor Dad stood there holding my sweat pants.  Jerry? Well he's not so well in hospital situations and we were after all broken up at the time! But he was called last.  When he got to the hospital 1/2 of Joelton was in the ER waiting room... He was not a happy camper, and when he saw me... HE STARTED YELLING at all the nurses to get me help, to find someone who knew what they were doing... Everything my family is not used to! We were joking, ? about my voice, about seeing my teeth with my mouth closed... although I had no control of the left side of my face/mouth/eye  at all. But we were laughing at the fat you could see. ( at that point in my life... I was barely11% body fat... needing to gain fat and hard as a rock! ) I needed people to talk to me to repress the pain I was having.  I need to try to carry a conversation as long as possible.  TILL ...   Finally they got some chief of surgery that was a maxofacial reconstructive surgeon who specialized in facial bone cancer reconstruction, as he was suppose to be leaving for another hospital in another state and he came in, said OH you have a great jaw line, we can put your scar here!  

He and I joked about the music during and after surgery and then he took care of business! 

I came out looking human again!  My sisters stared at me again, but this time in amazement that I looked OK! 

For months those who saw me on the table, were amazed at such a nice job this doctor did.  I too am very happy! 

As it took a while 8 weeks for me to get function of my mouth again, and still I have trouble whistling. It stops working if my face gets too cold.  Out riding in the winter, I tend to lose function of that left side again, but it always come back after I warm up.

After surgery, being able to pick my head up, turn it around again.  Getting out in public was strange.  You start to feel people staring! You wonder what it is they are looking at...Jerry was so sweet, he would tell me people had always looked at me, telling me how pretty I was, and how the looks were no different.  I had never noticed anyone looking at me, I had never felt the weight of the world as I did those months recovering;  feeling like the monster I saw in the reflection, was scaring kids into looking and starring. My face was swollen for a long time! so I looked strange, and I'm sure people were wondering what happen to her?  But the stares were un-nerving and made me change how I see people in wheel chairs or with a special look of any type.  

I normally make a point to go say hello now.  Tell them how cute they are, I like this ... that... Or just look them in the eye and say HELLO! How are you?   I could go on and on but I find it's important to make eye contact like you would with anyone else.  I no longer look, shy away if they look back.  I look, say hello and good bye.

Kids are the only ones that ask how my scar happened.  It doesn't bother me! I tell them it was a car accident and generally they run off to have fun.  I think the parents are more embarrassed, than anyone.

It was Jerry's Grandson Bryson who was the first kid to ask me what happen, after all he did have the perfect view of it tucked under my chin after it all healed.  Only those shorter than I can see it now.  Emma just asked about my scar this last visit... that is what has prompted me to post this, I forget there are questions about the 6 inch scar on my face for those I have met sense . 

I am now back to who I was before the accident! Still wearing my cut off jeans, t shirts and always dirty with horse manure on me somewhere!

I am what I am! I am just VERY lucky my face turned out to look human again!
Yes as I stated above it will cause me to look a little older before my day, as the skin is thinner, and the jowl line is already in a droop but... I am a lucky one, so no complaints..

Besides my idea of beauty has always been the women of the third world countries we have visited that have lines on their face showing how much they have lived and loved life!   I can only hope you see the beauty of REAL life, REAL experiences, and REAL peace on someones face.