Life is all about the your view of the world. 
My view is HUGE at the moment... I see everything and yet nothing at all!

Dead trees about to fall on me? or is it the middle of winter? Is this photo just before the spring leaves appear? or is it just about me being lonely and feeling trapped?

Life is EVERYTHING!
Today life is a little easier, while I have not made it through the first chapter yet... my sweet husband sees I am trying very hard, that I am at my desk for 8 hours a day reading, testing, and making sure I understand what I am reading. 

My desk is a mess of things, hand written notes, a glossary pages printed by snip it only...
I am taking quiz's as I go... I can not wait till I get to the end of this chapter take the a chapter test and see how well I am doing.  I am going to assume I am doing better... because like it or not I am doing my best.

Life... a huge world... a world full of everything you can dream of... a world of good, bad, and the unknown!

This is just one more adventure in my life that I am taking without a map.  I am creating a map in my own mind... just like I do in a strange country before my husband is even out of bed; I am out searching for bread, chocolate and eggs; not necessarily in that order but ... I'd take them as I find them.

There is no telling what is lurking around the next corner!
A bakery?
A patisserie ?
Chickens?
I'm making a map in my mind of what I am learning and memorizing my path home. 
Even just writing here helps to clear my mind for more information...
Onward I go!

My love to the world...
AegF

I am paralyzed with fear!

I am without a job.

I am trying to study insurance, as we all need it, we all should have it, and it is something I know I can do to help people as time goes on.

I'm concentrating on life insurance for now, then I'll move and and learn more as I can eventually moving myself into a place where I can do more and more... OR SO I KEEP telling myself.

I feel like I've been shot.
I feel like I'm cracked and about to fall apart.
I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
I feel forgotten!

I have horses and birds to feed.
One horse is special needs... medical issues and all. While the other is a good horse, just a little crazy in the brain! But I love them both.

I have birds, three... one is special needs, she has but one eye, one good leg, and is fearful of the other birds at this point.  She needs more attention than the others

I'm not sure how this is going to work, as I am trying to study it is all online... I want a book, I crave a highlighter! I want to put sticky notes on pages and finger through them before I start a new chapter.  Chapter my @$$! a chapter is feeling more like a book.  I have yet to make it through a full chapter!

OH how scared I am!
OH I can only hope I can do this for me, for my family, for my animals...
please send me positive energy!
Please think or send good thoughts my way!

As amazing as it sounds, while still very fearfull of that no pay check in the weeks to come I am a happier person knowing I am making the right steps for Jerry and myself.  I will make it through this and I will come out of this dark tunnel once I can see a light at the end, assuming I don't walk head on into an on comming TRAIN!

Life...

If it's not putting you on your toes, what is it doing? What are you doing? Have you already settled into comfort?

I made a life decision that I may regret, I may not.  I have turned in my two week notice at the Inn.  I love the place, but there is no where to grow. I enjoy the people but I do not make enough to support myself in the event of an emergency.  Life is short and I have to 1/2 way enjoy what I am doing but I have to do my fair share of supporting the family unit as well.  (as we all do)

I have never turned in a notice NOT HAVING A JOB for the next day!

I am scared to death
I am paralyzed with fear.

if any one out there has any ideas... I'm open to hear them...

It was a history teacher. Mr Graves.

It is funny how we each have a teacher that touched us one way or another.

For me it was my History Teacher Mr. Graves.  I haven't a clue of his first name, I have no way of finding him, All I know is he got me to really think about "the rest of the story"  I had never thought of leaving Joelton by the age of middle school.  BUT as his class opened my eyes, and my mind I knew... I knew I would like to see more of the world and find out the rest of the story.

History was never a subject I liked,but as I traveled and found myself on ground I knew was referenced in the bible;  I could not help but to get the travel bug.

I find I enjoy being challenged by other cultures, throught processes, and experiences than what I find at home.

I find I expand myself each time I return as I bring back something with me I never considered before. It could be a new food, a new problem solving thought, a new way of dressing... my point is the world is endless if you allow yourself to grow! If you challenge yourself to do something different!  Even if it is a challenge of DOING less, GETTING less, and eventually WANTING less instead of feeling like you have to keep up with "the jones'" ( or your neighbors or society as a whole)  I found this to be exceptionally true as I see those with less are often the most happy as a culture, people, and as a family.  Having less is more of a bond for them to rely on eachother, share, and consider those around them.

So in short this man was the one that support the encouragement of my parents to be who I am, to be proud of it, to OWN it!  Traveling is a part of who I am a part of what I have to do, a part of what pushes me forward to learn more each day.

I'm a little different than most, but that is ok with me... only because I am ok with who I am and know I will never fit into a what society expects.  I upset a lot of people, I piss off a lot of people ... BUT they all know where they stand with me! 

While I have nothing to complain about while I am one of the few NOT in the triple digits this week, but my dear horses are having a hard time with the heat.  not eating, not moving much... I've started putting electrolites in their feed so they will drink more, but even with that I am going to the barn as much as I can to spray them down.

SweetPea is terrified of everything including the hose pipe.  So it takes a moment to get her hosed down good.

While Navarre goes to sleep each time I spray them down.

The fish water is also getting very warm so they too got another 4 inches of water, from my trusty resivoire.   I can only hope everything survives this horrible hot june weather... Now... it's actually July this is expected here but really... this has been a year of crazy weather.

I have a husband that is addicted to SALT!

I can't stand a lot of salt and it makes me worry about him daily...
In order to cut his salt intake... when I cook I use herbs.. Lots of herbs, several herbs... this is one of my little patchwork herb gardens...

What can you find?

three Sage.

and SEVERAL types of Thyme.   Not ot forget the rosemary and several types of potatoes... not that you can tell what types they are, but this is a good way to keep the bugs from potatoes ...

Yes there is lavender and oregano too... Lots to work with in a TINY little spot!

so as a friend of mine says... How does your garden grow?

up at three am, boiled water while microwaving yesterdays coffee, made coffee, poured the rest into my trusty mason jar, wrapped it with two towels and had a bath mat in the bottom of my old but trusty grocery bag.  On to the barn by 3:30 soaking, feeding, brushing while a good soak occurs...

Then back to shower, and work!

Now done with one computer job ... on to the next!

Yesterday was a whirlwind of a day. 
Some how I left my phone at home, but had this little vet emergency with Navarre, poor vet had to call my house, my boss, then finally I got to call them back.   As simple as we try to make life it is funny how difficult we cause it to be with one little side step.

making calls out, getting few calls back in... all while serving 12 a three course breakfast... cleaning/ turning over one room stripping two more doing 4 loads of laundry, and entertaining everyone in the house so they will come back.... Lovely day... but at least I was on my own and knew what ever going on (except for Navarre's foot) I had done all the negative to myself with no ones help.  I was able to laugh it off and get back on track by 1:30.  ahhhhhh what a day!

today is possibly getting 3200 gallons of water at the barn. While my trusty side kick (who is not fond of my large horses) tends to the horses while the large water tanker gets to the barn.

Gluing the phone to my hand as soon as the apparatus is invented to do so!

May today be less stressful than yesterday!
Here is to having enough peace within to make it through yesterday!
Here is to having enough today to do it again!

A...

Yesterday was a LONG ( demanding nonstop type)  day... after working such long hours ... only 13 but I came home to a down west wall in the horse pasture.

It is not a big deal but it required me stacking about two wricks of wood to keep my horses in.  I know ... you are questioning my statement.  I have no REAL FENCE on the west wall of my horse pasture.  In creating my pasture I had to clear a 25 year old ignored lot.  So MANY many trees, so much I could not afford to have any more hauled away, so I started stacking it!   We cut the trees into 2 foot lengths just too long for anyone to walk off with and directly put it in their stove.

It has now been there for 4 years, it is weathering well, but it is only poplar wood so it is VERY LIGHT.  How Poplar was ever classified as a hard wood I have no idea... Yes, it is the softest of the hard woods but still classified as such.

Navarre had apparently been pushing on it all day and cleared an area large enough for both of them to walk through side by side, but he remained in their pasture.  So I re-stacked... taked to a neighbor... covered my potatoes a little more, pulled some herbs for the Inn. Headed home and fell madly asleep.

So now I need to keep an eye on my west wall a little better than normal... a daily walk to the barn will work!

I can only hope your life is simple and worthy of YOU.

My love to the world
Amber

I have finished my computer work for the morning.  As I stopped typing it was the open window that caught my attention.

The birds
The bats as they fly to and from the house in this early early dawn.
The distant passing of cars that approach and disappear.

Oh what a beautiful morn in this in between state of dark and light.

Off for the second job,  on my way to the third by 7:30am

Life is full today!
My love to the world
A...

After a LONG while off I am back! 

While I am not refreshed I am at least getting used to my 14/16 hour days!   I'm no spring chicken any more and it wears me down worse than a chill on mercury.

Some say I am doing too much.
Some ask why I do it?
Some just shake their heads and say nothing at all.

I have to look at each person I tell and I wonder... WHY does everyone think life should be so easy?
Why does everyone that comments say it is too much or shake their heads.

If given natural life existence ... it starts with a struggle. 
You GASP for that first breath of air!
You ache with movements
You struggle to learn what is going on around you!
You must learn everyday or you get left behind.
Every choice you make has a consequence. 


I have to ask why others don't do more!
I understand the older we get the less we can do, but I could do so much more when I was younger! and at times I did, but not always.

I do have a plan!
I plan to work at least one more year ... putting away as much as possible and then cut back to what it cost me a month to care for the horses.  That way I don't go into my emergency fund! That way I have a little of a nest egg for them!

While life is ever changing
While life is FULL of struggle, don't expected it to be its worse everyday... but NEVER expect anything to be handed to you. 

Why do you think ANYTHING will or really in my mind should be handed to you?

YES things were given to me when I was a child.
BUT most of them were from someone else having worn the clothes I was given.
YES things were given to me as a child
BUT I knew I had to take care of them to give them to the next person, OR use them till they/ it could no longer be used.

It may be some of our problem as a society... thinking everything should be easy.
Easy is giving up on a thought process, because it is not like others
Easy is not doing something because it takes too much time, effort, or thought.

LIFE is hard... you can face it head on or run from it!  IF you are doing nothing that is out of your norm you are not facing life head on your sitting behind a rock hoping it doesn't find you.


my love to the world...
GO  DO something that is hard! and see how rewarding it is.... in so many ways....

Like mind

It is so difficult to find those who think like you do, want to live in the same way, and respect personal dicessions made that only work in the life of one person, couple, or like minded group. I would love to have a place where I could say or do anything and not be slammed by everyone else that read it and didn't understand, see, or respect another persons view. I completely get that I think differently, more simplistic, archaic if you will, but it works for me. The thing I don't understand about general society is that good is good, bad is bad, hard labor is not a sign of ignorance, dialects are not the sum of a human, only an indication of source. I do not get what skin color has to do with content. I do not understand how one group dislikes another without knowing them. I am so sick of the pointing of fingers, words thrown around as if they have no meaning. I do not allow certain things said in my house, I do not welcome it being said in my presents. I do not like it in my world. I protect my little part of the world no matter where my friends reside, come from, what language they speak, what country they live, what clothes they choose, and what ever color tone they were born into. In a facebook note recently read.... We are all of color, some of us are of less color and while we label everything some are just the absents of color. The point is we are all human, act like one! Clean your house, neighborhood, city, , state, country.. And tell those whom are not responsible to get with it!... Example is I just told a relative I love dearly how disappointed I was with a situation... It is my responsibility as another human. I'm not his mother... But I will not allow his bad to be brought into my house and he knows it. Life really is what you make of it, if you dont apply good you will only get the absents of good!

Early morning reflections

The day is beautiful ... A mere 53 and barely after 8am. As I sit on the stairs at the 1847 Blake House Inn, the birds chirp, the music plays, and I await my guest for a vegan a breakfast. The inn is well equipped for any type of food allergy or special needs as along as we knows little in advance (meaning before arrival) Rocky... Our fat house cat has climbed the few stairs and now sits in my lap. As he purrs from any human contact, he is as cute as any cancan be! A delete to me and a frequent conversation piece of about guest as they check in, some with their dogs etc...

It is such a a lovely morn, I had to let the world know a simple summer cottage of the 1800's is such a a delight today. (of course I have a broken my own rule and got my old friend a double espresso) So I have a little energy to write.

I must rush back to my breakfast...
My love to the world
amber

A new gadget...

New Gadget, new addiction ...  http://pinterest.com/wrprincenavarre/  Yep I can go to this place, look at the world collect things I like, dream of and want more of without adding it to my home.   My life my clutter...

I find I can use this site to collect ideas and not have to collect magazines ... This part of the addiction I greatly admire.  I do however only allow myself so much time on the site, as with all things balance is a must.

Check it out see if you feel the same way OR am I just not getting out into the "real" world enough...

Such great ideas have been collected for the barn, the home, my own creations... or simple inspirations all together!

My love to the world...
Amber

What am I doing?

Living simply is not as easy as it sounds... Yes I have said this before.

I have done this thus far...
I gave up my smart phone.  While it never really rocked my world it did make it very easy, too easy,  to do social status things, see what others were doing, and basically bring more "crap" into my daily life.   Gone!   Back to a phone that only works as a phone.  No text, No pictures, No internet access and NO Gadgets to play with.

I've done well... THUS far with not purchasing soda/ Coke/ Coffee/ anything out of the house.  Now this is NOT going to work for the summer! I can tell you I will need a COLD drink and I'll just have to work the extra $2.00 a drink into my cost of labor!

I have thus far carried a carrier to work of both coffee and hot tea from home each day.  I have not purchased a Coke a Cola out of the "fast" lane.  This has also helped with not eating as much junk food!   Although using all my camping food for lunch is not the best thing I should be doing either but better than soda, chips, and something chocolate to keep me going.  OH DEAR...  but going through the grocery line late the other day... AFTER doing work on the estate... I was dying for a coke.  I did well and waited till I got home.  Got one glass and was done.  $2.00 saved! I kept saying to myself.. but you've done so well, not now, not now!

I figured I wasted as much on coke and junk food as I will now spend on a monthly haircut!  Doesn't sound like much but it all adds up.  even just one coke a day is over $1.50 a day... at 30 days,... that's 45.00 with NO other junk food to go with it!   And what can you get under a dollar? ? under a dollar including tax... one more thing brings it beyond $75.00 a month!   Crazy... $ 75.00 a month... and $900.00 a year on NOTHING except fat on my hips!

Oh well.  Simple... but not so easy!
I'm trying to keep these figures in mind, trying to keep myself on track!
 So far so good, but summer will kill me! I'm sure!