Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Why? They ask.

It is early morning here, and as I sit at my computer awaiting the time to leave for the barn, then to my next job... (number two for the day) I ponder my little horseback trip.

A local paper is picking up the story they asked me what I was doing.

Several people ask me WHY and each time my answer is somewhat different.

My mind screams each time I am asked... WHY NOT?   I try to keep my cool and not get lost in the society standards of living within a certain frame,  What is the big deal?  The big deal to me is not that I am doing it, but that I didn't allow a dream to die.  We all have dreams when we are younger... I'm going to do this when I grow up!   And yes some of them change as we change, but what about those dreams that only grow with us, that never fade?   How could I go to my grave knowing that I never even TRIED!   Just trying to do something is half the battle.  OH I'm too old, OH but I only have a little time in the dead of winter.  OH that would take forever.  OH that sounds crazy. OH it cost too much.  Oh that's not safe. Why would you want to? Your a girl, surely you can't do this alone!

I understand EVERY excuse in the world!  I get it! I'm asking my friends to help, I'm asking my husband to trust that I will do everything to keep myself safe on this little venture.  I'm asking my parents to grit their teeth knowing their child is out in the freezing cold, on a back road, in a strangers yard, and begging along the way. NOT a comforting thought for any parent at any age.    But I was raised that my limits were my own, as society puts up walls it is up to us to de-construct these walls brick by brick and to put them in a place that supports our own dreams, ambitions, and expectations of life.

I recently saw on facebook where the word life was described as a verb, an action noun, while I see it more as a four letter word... Life was never meant to be easy... it was meant to be lived... living, choosing, and acting on life is hard... but hard work brings about hope... again all four letter words
hard work = hope

So while I am older... with aches that are beyond my years (xrays to prove it ... ha ha ha... )

While I am on a sick horse...

While I am doing this in the dead of winter and crossing some of the best mountains east of the Mississippi ...

While I am taking a slower horse, that will take me even more time than others that go coast to coast.

While I am alone in my dream, which makes it sound outlandish to society...

And the cost.... Anything worth doing correctly takes time... to plan, and save.  I have and keep a horse fund, this is coming out of my horse fund.   You can't responsibly have a horse and not have a fund, a plan, or a savings account ... Besides this is why I have three jobs! yes THREE!

While my adventures are not safe, but life is not safe if you live it to its fullest!  Your passion may be skiing, diving,or motorcycles each has its risk.  Each cost as much as you can afford to support your passion, people upgrade as much as they can afford to feed their passions, this ride is no different than that black diamond rush, that night dive taken alone, or that track day at the most technical of tracks.

I want to do it because I refuse to die or live the last of my life WISHING I had done something, wishing I had tried, regretting the facts that I allowed a dream to fade instead of throwing a log on the fire and allowing it to heat my soul in my last days.

I have always said life is what you make of it!
I believe this and live by it!
I am what I am ... and I am a dreamer, a risk taker, and a woman who doesn't mind being alone listening to the beet of my horses feet, the wind in my hair, cars passing me as kids gawk out the side window.

I can only hope ONE kid sees they too can do what ever it is they dream.