Quote of the day...

" He who knows patience knows peace"

Chinese Proverb

This last day of the year I can only wish you all patience and peace in your lives...
May Love, Patience and Peace be with you all ... always..

Quote of the day...

"It is very strange... that the years teach us patience; that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for WAITING"

Elizabeth Taylor
A Weath of Roses

Quote of the day...

"If patience is worth anything, it must ENDURE to the end of time"

Mohandas Gandi

Quote of the day...

"You want nothing but patience--- or give it a more fascinating name, call it HOPE"

Jane Austen
Sense and Sensibility

Quote of the day...

"I am extradordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end"

Margaret Thatcher

Quote of the day...

"Great difficulties may be surmounted by patience and perverance"

Abigail Adams

Quote of the day...

" Love is life.  All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.  Everything is, everything exists only because I love"

Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

Quote of the day...

"I love America more than any other country in the world, and exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually"

James Baldwin
Notes of a Native Son

Quote of the day...

"Beauty is simply REALITY seen with the eyes of love"
Evelyn Underhill
Mysticism

Quote of the day...

"As a traveler who has once been from home is wiser than he who has never left his own doorstep, so a KNOWLEDGE of one other culture should sharpen our ability... to appreciate more lovingly in our own"

Margaret Mead
Coming of Age in Samoa

Quote of the day...

"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook"

William James,
The Principles of Psychology

Quote of the day...

"The small things of life were often so much bigger than the great things... the trivial pleasures like cooking, one's home, little poems especially sad ones, solitary walks, funny things seen and overheard"

Barbara Pym, Less Than Angels

Quote of the day...

"To be interested in the changing seasons is... a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring"

George Santayana, The Life of Reason

Why is it no matter how much you write about peace, having only what you need, only what you want and still when you feel bad nothing in life has the color it once did.

I just had someone call a business line... HINT with the economy I no longer have a home phone.  My house line is gone and only a business line is in the house.  Thus it rings at any hour and I answer it no matter what out of human response.

I married into a motorcycle business.  I like it! I even enjoy it at times because I'm not a stupid person.  BUT I can only take so much of people talking down to me about something they know little of and if asked I'd be happy to help them.  And trust me when it comes to men, bikes or their toys if I don't know the right answer I tell them.  There is no grey in my business knowledge... I either know it or I don't.

While it is no excuse, not feeling perfect made me explode tonight!   For years my husband has begged me to stand up for myself, not allow these people on the end of the line talk to me the way they do.    So this person asked for Jerry!  I get it! I'd want the owner too!  He wasn't here... and instead of being fine with it... he expresses how he was sure Jerry would never remember him anyway, how he doesn't purchase much and how its been about ten years.  No issues to me... a customer is a customer right?   Right!

So then he asked what I might have for the K13GT... I was silent... thinking... ok  crap... where do I start?  Well what are you looking for, I asked ?  he responds quickly with... anything BMW doesn't afford or allow with the bike at time of purchase.  His smart  (blank) response... when calling an aftermarket company gives me no more guidance of what he wants... Is there anything specific Sir?    Well anything like peg lowering kits etc... Do you carry anything like that?    

Yes I do sir... I carry about 200 products for your bike. 

I don't see anything for it!
Are you looking under the K12GT?  NO I have a 13 he gets snappy at me...
Well Yes I understand but there are very few things about your bike that are any different from the K12GT of the previous year.    NOT correct he yells.

I stopped ... took a deep breath and said you know what I can get your name and have Jerry call you when ever he decides to come in; because you obviously don't want to talk to me.  There are only a few things different about your bike from 06-07... 05 was yes a different engine and bike... but like it or not K12 orK13GT are about the same in the current productions.

He finally checks on line and backs up... apologises... said he didn't mean to talk to me that way. 

Yes you did! ( I was tired, hurting and MAD at this point) You treated me like I was a stupid girl!   Oh don't put words in my mouth he said...
I didn't have to ... that's how you were treating me!

While the conversation ended it was not on a good note.  It was not someone I got to help.  I got talked down AT... I felt like I barely stood up for myself... but I also think I stood up too much all in the same.  Confused... Upset... Sorry... but... Not any better for any of it!

I'm done!
I'm a stupid about certain things!
I make mistakes all the time!
BUT darn it! I am human ... and I am sick and tired of being treated like a wet dog on a freezing night that's too stinky for anyone to treat like it's worthy of life.


I didn't take his name...
I didn't take his number...
I want to help my husband, his business, BUT ... why do people love to treat others SO badly?

I was not at all peaceful!
I am not at all at peace now as I type.

Everyone wants something; and when others don't understand what they are asking they for because there is a lack of communication between... genders, ...experiences, ...or even life styles no one seems to treat each other human.

Treat someone nice today!
Treat someone better than they treat you!

I can only hope this guy has a better day tomorrow! I'm sure going to try to!
AegF

Peace in...
Stress out...
Peace IN>>>>>
Stress out....
IN>>>>>
out...

Life may look like a tattered old barn... but be the best place to throw a party to remembered for a life time. 

Quote for the day.

" Happiness is a place between too little and too much."
finnish proverb

As the days get darker... and my life needs more color inside and out I have taken an early start to ordering all my yearly catalogs...

High Country Garden                             phone is... 800 925 9387                                    web is www.highcountrygardens.com

Miller Nurseries                                      phone is ...800 836 9630                                    web is www.millernurseries.com  

Burges Seed and Plant Co                     phone is... 309 662 7761                                    web is www.eburgess.com        

www.eburgess.com      

Gardens Alive                                       phone is... 513 354 1482                                    web is  www.GardensAlive.com

Netherland Bulb Company                     phone is..  888 508 3763                                    web is www.netherlandbulb.com

 

I completely enjoy each of these companies...
I can only hope you enjoy all these catalogs as well... They are inviting colorful and help you to plan all winter long just how much trouble you want to get into for the next year!

High Country is where I get all my xeriscaping garden techniques I use so my water goes more to food source when I need it!

Miller Nurseries... I so enjoy all their fruit trees, lots of small, medium and large size plantings for food and animal sources.

Burgess Seed is more for my eating habits... You can get things locally but you can get things on line cheaper when they go on sale.

Gardens Alive... is my go to place to solve pest issues in a responsible way!   I enjoy all their natural balance ideas and enjoy their readings.

Netherland Bulb Company... Well if you EVER decide to do any type of massive planting you may as well go large and cheaper than your local stores.    Check it out!  It makes me feel "royal" as I can afford to do things I can dream of with this company.

Much love and luck to each person as the days get shorter and the colors start to fade.

AegF

looking for compact EVERYTHING!

Yep!

I once lived in a 15x15 converted horse stall.  It was to this date the best place I have ever lived!
I also once visited and stayed in a 20x20 ocean hut in the south pacific that was so perfectly organized it still calls to me this day!

I can do this!
I can create a place for us or a place for a farm hand... or a place for us to rent out and have an income!

I can do this!
So can you!

Thus I am looking at any and every type of compact appliance.  Even today I live in a small house but has a tiny kitchen by any standard... I have more counter space than necessary... and I can do this even better for my emergencies and to make life better!

check out this site... nice small kitchen appliances and MORE!
it has been put in my home/ space saver folder!

Tell me what you think?

From the darkness back into the light.

Yes I have been a dark soul of late.  Life stopped me in my tracks as it always does; WHY we think everything is ever going to be exactly HOW we want or expect it to be is beyond me... but I do it all the time.

So while I have been on line, dwelling in my own issues, while I lay in bed waiting for my back to heal itself.... I finally GOT OUT of my shell!   (actually just out of the house)

So today was all about feeding my soul... taking my meds so I could move more like a 60 year old than an 80... (trying to laugh here)   So I spent time with the birds we all needed it, gave them their favorite feed... not the everyday stuff.  So they will really be surprised when I spend time with them again tomorrow.  I then I enjoyed a ride down town to get some of my favorite things...

a strong jasmine tea
Real Cinnamon
Lavender (for me for the birds etc... )
bamboo rice ... you know the things you can't get in your normal store.

I then went to the barn loved on my kids;  laid on the ground;  then the bail of hay my hubby was sweet enough to put out in the field.  As I sat on the hay a friend stopped by, I stayed seated... and dug my toes into the dirt at any point they started to get cool.  The warmth of the dirt was so perfect. 

Best yet it was the neighbor/friend that was the icing on the cake... We got to talk, instead of me typing into this computer.

It was with her I first expressed my Ah Ha Moment!

I had been working so hard I had lost site of the beauty in my life.  For all my years I have kept my feet on the ground, collected hand made things to make me feel more alive.  To have ART in my life even if I could no longer create it myself, others could and it feeds energy to me.

Like the Cravens... They are such a light in my life... normally on days like today I would have stopped by their studio... banged on the door till I got a hug from Joe Lydia... as Ian would only respond to her prodding him for support for me while he acted to not listen to my negative energy.  A hug from her was like an open force of light that would always erase the darkness of any day!  

I have no family in town... I have but two real friends... one is traveling... the other is so at my beckon call I dare not ask.

Everything I did today I needed. laying in the sun... fingers to the skin of Sweet Pea and Navarre.  The digging in the dirt with my toes..

AND the realization that life is still beautiful... all around me... my plates are pieces of Joe Lydia and Ian... My hubby has been a God send doing EVERYTHING for me... laundry, helping to even get into the shower... asking me if I need ANYTHING at any point that he passes me.

I was starting to be more and more closed off.  Getting out of this dark, dank, cold house, and... spot looking at all the fuzz that is blocking my clear mountain views of a beautiful world...

I am thinking to the most I can do to save myself time and money is to do more at my house.

So I am already starting to throw out scraps just outside the potting shed so not only can I start cold weather items as soon as spring arrives, but I will be able to throw out my water on them and keep them as needed each day.

My biggest thing is to start collecting scraps and wood from the estate each time I go in the truck.  I rarely ever take the truck now a days as the diesel is just too costly for everyday driving.

So I will not be able to afford soil so I will have to bring in manure, tree limbs, start on my kitchen scraps (after they are boiled and made into veggie stock of course) I already dump most of my coffee and tea grounds into my house plants but I can start to share with the newly thought out area off the back porch.

Our back porch is after all a south facing area! Thus I shall dig up the flowers in the area as soon as my back allows and start to cut back and plant more usable things for next years off set of financial issues!

Chickens!

I would love to have chickens at the house... I think I can turn the potting shed into a chicken shed but we shall see how money and time allows.  I'll take photos for my next post and let you all know what is going on in my strange little mind!

This PHOTO does NOT belong to me it is from UrbanFarm Magazine on line...

I have said it on my other blogs... but it is high time I mention it here now.

The one magazine I have found to be on MY LEVEL is Urban Farm!  Please at least go look at their site... urban farm magazine  While I grew up around a farm... (one mile from my maternal grandparents house)  I have little to no access to any type of equipment.

I do have a 68 gravely that was recently upgraded to a 73.  I have all the attachments to go with it OTHER than the manure spreader I desperately need.  BUT I am not a wrencher and I can not keep it running the way it should.  My largest issues is having to clean the carburetor every time I want to try to start it... and now... I have a male/female attachment that has disappeared and I can't seem to find it anywhere on line.  THUS ... I have no equipment when I need it!

Urban Farm magazine is one of those things that is written and made for people who have only a shovel, rake, and hoe in order to make life better.  As where other modern day magazines I rely on for information tend to use animals (horses) or have at the least a small tractor.

I would LOVE to have a small tractor, but I would expect more from it than a small machine can give... And my dearly worried husband is worried I would kill myself on a tractor.  Although I've driven the old grey/red/blue FORD tractor owned by my Aunt, tended to by my PawPaw sense I was 12... That was over 20 years ago... but I give him the benefit of the doubt considering the reality is we do not have the money to purchase a tractor out right new or used ... it is out of the question.

So ...
Back to this wonderful magazine.

November/ December issue is on the stands today!
Sprouts ... how easily you can grow them!
Pickling...
Fermentation Tips..
Kombucha... not a large percentage of the population know most of these subjects but... they are all long used historical devices of extending, making, and using natural nutrition in a diet... The basics that have been lost over the years but need to be re-enacted to make life better in the long run, and once applied to a modern life will cut your food expenses.

It also consist of Urban Vines!   and making city Wines 

Not to leave out SMALL Productive animals for Urban living but animals that can be kept in a small back yard for milk, meat, eggs, or better soils...

Just take a look and see how this tiny magazine can improve your life your choices and your wallet!

THIS photo does NOT belong to me... it belongs to Urban Farming Magazine Online version...

my new way of thinking... 

The above is a link to my Pinterest and my new way of thinking... I am seriously considering these thoughts for my new way of life!

While I do not live in a large home, I live in a tiny stone cottage with no insulation! Yep so my electric bills are easily over $400.00 a month in the winter!

I have no deciduous trees for protection in summer, no evergreen for winter protection.  I am on an open lot on a 5 lane highway ... but I do have a tiny lot on flat top mountain that may allow me to start over in this desperate time.

Water is expected... and drilling starts at $9,000.00 with no guarantees!
Electric temporary hook up 4 years ago was over $2,000.00  when I requested one to build my barn.  It did not happen and its not going to happen now!

So I have several things in my life that have to be addressed...

HELP...
and a farm hand that I can allow to live on my place for free and he or she take care of my horses 5 days a week while allowing them to have another job earn money and have a life!

HORSES...
I have been requested not to put my hay back where it is today.  So I must get a container for their hay and get them settled ASAP.

MONEY...
What am I going to do for all the money I need to survive AND to make my life easier? I have no idea! 


Questions... what do I do right now? Well it's easy!  Right now I got a nice cattle fence solar charger (larger than I needed) and it works well.

Water... my kids are on roof water! I have several filters on it! They drink it fine... and thus far I have no real issues with the water unless someone else assist me and does not put things back the way I had them.  What is the issue with me being OCD.  Well it's not that I am so OCD it is that water freezes in a hose pipe!!!! people don't care, don't think about tomorrow, and do not drain the hose, cover the nozzle and it leaves me with nothing!   Thus it pisses me off! but ? if someone is living on the estate and they can see the issues they cause they will learn from their own mistakes and stop being so stupid / careless about it!


I have gold fish! as of today they are in my house! yep in the birds room, as the birds needed more humidity in their room for the electric heat this winter... and I didn't want the fish to have to freeze to death or hibernate in the cast iron pond!   CAST IRON TUB is really what it is... not below the frost line and thus harder on the fish than a plastic fully submerged type people have that look nice!

homeinabox.blogspot.com  please check out this blog! it is a wonderful site to get information.

While I was trying to make big changes... making those changes all the quicker is going to be even more important now.

I can see how it happen!
I must support the decision of the majority, but like most U S Citizens they think of today and not tomorrow.  Today our President was re-elected and for that I must respect and follow the issues at hand.  What people are not seeing is how bad we are in the face of the world, in the strength of the world economy, and how much we are now owned by another country that has no rights, no real democracy and for that; for the first time in my life I am afraid.

I have always lived with as little as I could.
I have always done with as little as I can
BUT now I have to do better and I have to learn to really survive on my own.

I say this as my back is out... I can't walk on my own... but I have to do something in order to get back on my own two feet.

I have to figure out how to do this, how to work over 60 hours a week to make ends meat, how to prepare for my future... given I still have everything I have today.

My horses are my largest issue at hand.  I need to find them new homes BUT they each have their own issues and I am someone that has to be honest about it to whom ever may be interested.

My life today just got much worse, as I am more worried about the debt of the country and how it is going to effect me!  

I have to start making supplies on not just a week long emergency but on a life style I may end up living due to this election... We as a country are going to pay for this one for the rest of our lives.  I know that is harsh to say, but we are SO DEEP IN DEPT there is no way one generation can pull us out of this.  But this is something the majority did not think of... oh we will make it work they say! Yep... about as well as we did the housing market that everyone got so carried away with!   Here we go again!

I'm finally scared of what will happen in the next two years!  VERY scared.

I may be alone in this or I may be with a group... I am not sure because few will talk about this openly.

I rarely do new things in my life! Or so it seems these days... BUT trying to be Gluten Free is hard!

I did however finally get my Nannie's Cornbread mix down to a T!!!!!
I made beans and cornbread today and it worked out perfectly!

Pamela's GF Flour mix was the key!

Life is good!
House smells like beans, bacon and cornbread as a fall house should!

I've been really good with the 50$ a week or LESS! I've even been able to stock up on my dry goods for winter saving... you know

Beans,
GF Pastas
Powdered Milks for emergencies 
Coffee's
Tea's
even got Honey on sale to stash away for a rainy day!
Rice ... but I use mostly red American Indian Rice... (not a real grain but works like rice)
Chia to add to cooking for more protein and trace minerals etc..
Quanoia ? I use mostly the red / dark as a grain replacement!

I spent MORE money! yep ... it is always on the horses!
I have already put on my horse blog ... the day of getting in hay, but the point here is I spent another 800.00 dollars on hay!   I had hoped not to have to get hay from a more expensive guy, but he delivered AND I got in 200 bails! My local guy has been rained out for most of the year and left me desperate for hay.  I have to get the cheap stuff.  Decent stuff is $7.00 a bail that would have been 1,400.00 dollars easitly NOT delivered... but I'm good for a while and hope my guy gets one more cutting.

I normally get all my hay in the spring, but it was too wet here so I have been scrimping all summer.  I still need at least another 150 bails to make it through winter as nicely as I have always hoped.

I have also been doing REALLY well only spending $50.00 a week on food.  I am having to get a few things in bulk, a few things BEFORE I want to, but thus far it is working out nicely.

I am stocked up on toilet paper, paper towels, coffee, p-nut butter, tuna, and a few other basics for a while... allowing me to spend a little more on meats etc...

My packed lunches for the week are

Kale cooked in red wine, garlic, gluten free soy sauce! (stems in freezer for veggie stock later)
Sweet Potato oven fries ( rosemary, thyme,red pepper, olive oil and garlic) (stems of herbs in veggie bag for stock later too)
G/F bread( if you can call it bread... I did have to get the cheep stuff! ) tomato, mayo, lettuce sandwich! makes the GF bread tolerable! ha ha ha...

tomato/ cheese, vinegar, basil salad...  (scraps of cuts of tomato's from sandwich above...)
boiled corn on cob (i froze a few unopen/uncleaned ears this summer... yep silks and all.)
Tuna salad, grapes, almonds, apple pieces, mayo etc...

these two lunches will last me next week...I will rotate them put them in my coller bag, with an old ice bag that is about to die...  I have tomatoes, basil, thyme, lettuce, kale basics from the garden and should last for the week. More has been planted but it not taking off too much as of yet.  On the last of the spring crops...

 I am very excited all of this is working so well and sharing it seems to make a little more sense as so many discussions are up in the air about people not being able to survive on fifty dollars a week.  How hard it is, how horrible the food is, how we cant expect a family of two to tolerate it!  I'm not complaining YET! I am sure I will be more and more as time goes on and I want more food during the cold of winter... BUT the other thing is most people in the States eat HUGE portions ... This is the ONE THING you can NOT do on $50.00 a week! 

So far so good.
If  I am not being clear enough... let me know it is not a big deal!

to be fair.... I made out another check last night...
over $200.00 for Horse Shoes... But normally I have a carbon fiber and clear resin poured into my Vanners front feet as a preventative measure from foundering.  NOT doing this made the shoes about $80 bucks cheaper ... Not to mention the fact that we delayed the shoeing for several weeks saving me some money but it was a medical reason as the Vanner had an abcess in the heal and they take a LONG time to clear out IF they clear out instead of moving into the heal bone....

At any rate... money saved... but well spent as well.  
My horses are my largest expense. 
It is the point of having to be responsible, not cutting on health requirements of anything under your care.  Do what you can... but do what needs to be done!

AegF

Tuesday 082812 got some food! 

While I am trying to do everything as cheaply as possible I thought you might like to know what I am spending my money on.

a bag of carrots / devided for uses...
a bag of celery / to be used for several things.
a bag of potatoes / lots of things...
10 servings of yogurt
two dozen eggs ... one dozen for Jerry ... one dozen to boil
a small container of sour cream
one whole chicken
7 cans of tuna (on sale... so for storage)
2 servings of salmon on sale... (in freezer)
three boxes of breakfast bars  (on sale or would not have gotten them! in storage)
two cans of cream of mushroom soup (one for storage)
two cans of green chili's  (one for storage)
two bags of cheese... on sale or would have gotten only one.

yes I would have gotten more if I had it in the PLANNED budget.. I'm just trying something new. I'm wanting to spend 50 or less every week.... lets see how this works... documented!

all for less than $50.00 for two.. this week.

no milk... I cook with powdered milk, cheaper in the long run get in bulk, some in cabnet, some in freezer!
I have rice (brown, red or black) (rarely use white)
I keep Dried Red Chili Peppers in containers in the cabnet...
I also keep dried... mushrooms in the freezer to use for lots of things...


I will cook the chicken in the crock pot
de bone it...
set aside part of the white meat (put in freezer) for chicken salad (ONE breast will do)
set aside part of the dark meat (for chicken pot pie) splitting other breast between these two bags..
use the rest of the dark meat for a Mexican casserole ( really its just one huge chicken enchilada)

1 can of tuna (albacore) last us two days... so that is 14 days of lunches... not all at once, but it was on sale and you have to stock up on non perishables when you can.  (i'll stash most of them) using only two for this week.

While Chicken is what I got today... last week I got Hamburger... devided it three ways and had ... meatloaf... (with leftovers frozen... will use in chili later next month! ... we got tired of it! )
Speghetti still in the fridge... so we will not eat chicken every day this week...
and one more pack still in the fridge to do what ever!

I cook on Wednesday and Saturdays... we eat left overs the rest of the time...
my hubby eats ONE egg for breakfast... I may grab an egg for lunch? or a snack.
I use the yogurt for snack, meal, what ever... but more than enough for a week.

I do dried beans of ALL types, pastas (even NG), rice's... rice noodles, etc all in mason jars all the time... but we are talking PENNYS to get these for WEEKS of food... so ... they will be used and replaced- re stocked in the future..

Oh well so what did you spend this week?

The story of my little scar... from behind my left ear to the right corner of my mouth.  And while it will insist I look older as I age, I could care less because it allowed me to look human in my 30's !   That little scar was the life change I needed, I had made several changes in my life but I was more absorbed by experiencing freedom... instead of living a life I would always enjoy.

I got up in a panic that day! I had over slept from an experience (Jack Daniels, 1st time... last time) the night before (to put it nicely) I was almost late getting my Ridgeback to the Vet for her bi-weekly shot for her hips.  She had gotten hit by a truck previously... We drove the shortcut through to get her to Pleasant View, made it for her appointment and we were driving home.  I NEVER put on a seat belt back then, and I could have cared less about speed limits, but I got off the interstate, slowed down,  as voice in my head told me to put on my seat belt, put the dog in the back seat, and for once I listened! I was driving along thinking this is crazy!  Deepak is always up front with me ... what am I doing?   All of a sudden as I was taking the right hand curve something happened ????? The rear right tire was a blow out!   There was no time to think about it, it was fight the vehicle or take the ditch.  So I decided to take the ditch! In doing so the poor rag top jeep thing... flipped back into the road, rolling down the road a few yards, bouncing my head against the pavement a few times, and finally came to a stop, after taking out a mail box and landing on it's side.  

The dog was screaming! I had to get out, get her, where am I? After crawling out the roof I realized,  she was caught between the roll cage and the pavement through the plastic window.  I pulled her out and she seemed 1/2 way OK.  I then realized I couldn't move my neck; in any direction.  Deepak started walking, looked back at me, I walked over to her, pat her on the head, and she would walk ahead again till I could see her, stop, look back at me, I'd catch up; pat her on the head... and this continued very... slowly till we reached the nearest house.  

The woman that opened the door started screaming! I mean screaming at the top of her lungs! Terrified worse than a theme ride; but not quite a horror movie scream.  She RAN back in the house grabbing a kitchen towel and shoved it in my neck.  I realized I couldn't talk really well, all I knew was I was NOW terrified because of the towel... In my mind I was thinking...  I'm gonna die, not from the wreck but the kitchen towel.  I've got a KITCHEN towel in my neck and bacteria/ CRAP it is going to kill me.. I'll die of an infection!  I put pressure on the towel?  just because I could feel the warmth of fluids at this point.  I was staring to loose my adrenalin so ... I had to think... what next... what next...I was YELLING at myself ( ONLY IN MY MIND)  The woman was screaming uncontrollably into the phone.  Repeating herself  time and time again... I can see... I can see her.... spine ? 

It was NOT my spine it was only my trachea , jaw bone, teeth etc... although I knew I was loosing a lot of blood... I've got to lay down! I started talking best I could to the woman on the phone...as she was screaming at  911 and repeating everything to them again and again..  I have to lay down!   I've got to get my feet up, my head down...   I only then realized I could not use my left arm, could not get myself down on the ground with out help.  Can You Help ME?  911 still on the phone!... she finally started talking to me,  I have to get my head down and my feet above my head. why? she asked... I need to get my feet above my head before I go into shock! Please! Are you a nurse? NO I'm not I just need help.  Terrified she didn't want to touch me.  (not that I can blame her!)  Can you call my Mother! I said... of course she was at work? so no answer... Can you call my Aunt ? 

A man came around the corner of the house because of all the screaming!  An old man (thank goodness) because he wasn't as scared to touch me with all the bodily fluids  (blood) all over me.  I finally got down on the sidewalk with his help.  And Deepak (my Rhodesian ridgeback)  immediately sat on my right shoulder and would not move.  He backed off, the woman was on the phone with someone else, and I was just laying there!  Why doesn't this hurt? I never calmed down enough to have pain while in the yard of a stranger.

Time passed, an ambulance arrived... He could not get anywhere near me, Deepak would not move! She would not respond to my Donald duck sounding voice.  I was starting to get worried and he wanted to call the cops to get the dog.  Finally my Aunt Gale drives up!   They start yelling at her to get the dog, she tells Deepak ONCE to get in the car and the issue was quickly resolved.  

We're taking you to Springfield... NO YOUR NOT! I said..  Yes mam, unless you want to go somewhere else.  St Thomas Please... That's too far mam .  He had apparently not noticed the kitchen towel, it had visually meshed into the mess on my neck.  Take that towel out of my neck ( with my Donald duck sounding voice) ... What towel? I pulled it out! and the look on his face was tolerable but I looked over at my aunt walking back to me and LOOK ON MY AUNTS FACE? went pale white... as I thought she was going to pass out or get sick, or DIE...

I started yelling she's going to have a heart attack , take care of her... oh my ... look at her... The other guy tended to Aunt Gale and my guy calmly says... OK, We'll take you to Vanderbilt, this is going to be a level??? ( I don't remember)    OK! That's fine, just no Springfield  ( new hospital was not fully functional at this point)  I was relieved and willing to go anywhere but down the road.

I do not remember the trip to Vandy.  No more than I remember the one when I fell on the sidewalk in Goodlettsville years earlier.  All I remember is asking for a plastic surgeon for my face to limit the scars... one by one 4 doctors come in saying hello, looking at my face and saying NO can't do it!  After 3 hours of test, no pain medications (because my head was blue/ busied all over) MRI facility shut down, finally they were rolling me across that aggregate sidewalk to the semi with the MRI, worrying about all the metal in my body, trying to keep my mind together as my family ? looks at me like I am a monster.  Sisters walking in and walking out with tears, not knowing what to say.  Dad finally cracked a joke that maybe I could get boob implants while there in there!  The whole is deep enough! He could just reach right in there and put it in place ... He's a funny guy! He was just doing EXACTLY what I needed.  I needed something else to focus on. (the open area of the neck was LARGE to put it nicely... the skin contracted up and down and the angle of the cut was from the very side of my neck to the front beyond the middle)  My poor Dad stood there holding my sweat pants.  Jerry? Well he's not so well in hospital situations and we were after all broken up at the time! But he was called last.  When he got to the hospital 1/2 of Joelton was in the ER waiting room... He was not a happy camper, and when he saw me... HE STARTED YELLING at all the nurses to get me help, to find someone who knew what they were doing... Everything my family is not used to! We were joking, ? about my voice, about seeing my teeth with my mouth closed... although I had no control of the left side of my face/mouth/eye  at all. But we were laughing at the fat you could see. ( at that point in my life... I was barely11% body fat... needing to gain fat and hard as a rock! ) I needed people to talk to me to repress the pain I was having.  I need to try to carry a conversation as long as possible.  TILL ...   Finally they got some chief of surgery that was a maxofacial reconstructive surgeon who specialized in facial bone cancer reconstruction, as he was suppose to be leaving for another hospital in another state and he came in, said OH you have a great jaw line, we can put your scar here!  

He and I joked about the music during and after surgery and then he took care of business! 

I came out looking human again!  My sisters stared at me again, but this time in amazement that I looked OK! 

For months those who saw me on the table, were amazed at such a nice job this doctor did.  I too am very happy! 

As it took a while 8 weeks for me to get function of my mouth again, and still I have trouble whistling. It stops working if my face gets too cold.  Out riding in the winter, I tend to lose function of that left side again, but it always come back after I warm up.

After surgery, being able to pick my head up, turn it around again.  Getting out in public was strange.  You start to feel people staring! You wonder what it is they are looking at...Jerry was so sweet, he would tell me people had always looked at me, telling me how pretty I was, and how the looks were no different.  I had never noticed anyone looking at me, I had never felt the weight of the world as I did those months recovering;  feeling like the monster I saw in the reflection, was scaring kids into looking and starring. My face was swollen for a long time! so I looked strange, and I'm sure people were wondering what happen to her?  But the stares were un-nerving and made me change how I see people in wheel chairs or with a special look of any type.  

I normally make a point to go say hello now.  Tell them how cute they are, I like this ... that... Or just look them in the eye and say HELLO! How are you?   I could go on and on but I find it's important to make eye contact like you would with anyone else.  I no longer look, shy away if they look back.  I look, say hello and good bye.

Kids are the only ones that ask how my scar happened.  It doesn't bother me! I tell them it was a car accident and generally they run off to have fun.  I think the parents are more embarrassed, than anyone.

It was Jerry's Grandson Bryson who was the first kid to ask me what happen, after all he did have the perfect view of it tucked under my chin after it all healed.  Only those shorter than I can see it now.  Emma just asked about my scar this last visit... that is what has prompted me to post this, I forget there are questions about the 6 inch scar on my face for those I have met sense . 

I am now back to who I was before the accident! Still wearing my cut off jeans, t shirts and always dirty with horse manure on me somewhere!

I am what I am! I am just VERY lucky my face turned out to look human again!
Yes as I stated above it will cause me to look a little older before my day, as the skin is thinner, and the jowl line is already in a droop but... I am a lucky one, so no complaints..

Besides my idea of beauty has always been the women of the third world countries we have visited that have lines on their face showing how much they have lived and loved life!   I can only hope you see the beauty of REAL life, REAL experiences, and REAL peace on someones face.

Well I only have a minute to post ...but I wanted to make yet another point.  Besides cleaning out my closets, my house, all my belongings... I have narrowed down my food as well. 

A freezer is SO important.  This is the time of year that the frozen berries are as cheap as they will get.  So I  have stocked up on my favorites.  Raspberry... Strawberries... and the even cheaper mixes.  Yes I suppliment my frozen with what little fresh is still out there, but as it is August this is the end of the fresh season which means the frozen ones are just hitting the market.

My breakfast was... almond milk, honey, ginger (fresh only) cinnamon (the REAL thing) a full mango, two bananas and a cup of frozen raspberries.  All thrown into a cheap blender (one of only two electronics in my kitchen) till it is smooth.  DONE! a perfect pick me up inbetween studies...

My study time today is two hours on and thirty minutes off... two on... break... two on... etc... till it is time to go to airport to pick up my love.

back to the books!

Well... my sweet love took the camera with him so... I have no way of finishing my last post.  Instead I have completely gutted my closet, have it set up perfectly for work clothes only... and am making a list of everything else in my life I can afford to do with out so I can sell it all.

Yes I will gladly post it all here first BUT then I will attach it to my facebook account later... then I will put it on ebay, then craigs list, then a yard sale.  what ever is left will go to the donation center down town.  I'm getting rid of everything I don't use that much...

Yep including a lot of horse things SO... if anyone wants a preview you need to send me a personal message and I'll send you photos first.  Otherwise my plan of attack stands!

Back to my coffee... my studies... waiting for the camera to return!

My love to the world
AegF

really nice Bicycle... (would be great Christmas gift... yes still looks new)

Gravely (yep 72 model with ALL attachments.... tiller, mower, bush hog, cycle blade 5 foot RARE, post hole digger. ) the only thing I do not have is the manure spreader.

European Horse gear... Selling one set of road wear for horses... this would be great for a kid who is allowed to ride in the woods alone. (kid... teenager) you know what I mean. Blanket, nose band, leg reflectors, chest plate... etc...

more to come... but if you are looking for something pass me a note.

So while I am studying I have to have a little of an artistic outlet.  My only outlets now a days are those that will profit me in my future.  I am about to take my closet and post it on line~! 

Yes it sounds crazy but this way I can make a wonderful track of what I am using and what I need to get rid of in no time.

Don't like it? Well I'm sorry but this place is my space to widdle everything down to what I need and what I do not need.

First thing are my shoes!
YEP! While I am better than most (sorry some) women in that I only allow myself to purchase TWO pair of shoes a year and only one in a season and I never work an outfit around a shoe, I always fall in love with the shoe making sure it will work with at least three outfits or I don't get it!
Sound a little extream? Well once again it has paid off... So...

I am not beyond getting rid of some of these if I don't use them on a regular basis... So if you see something I 'm not using... Then make me an offer!

I really like these brown Velvet shoes, but I do not see myself wearing them as much as I would want to in order for them to keep space in my closet!   We shall see as time goes on.

These blood / burgandy shoes are some of my favorites and I am more likely to wear these out before I ever let them sit for too long.  I wear these all year and have an OLD falling apart purse that matches them perfectly... ? but that is another chapter all together.  
NOT for sale.

These I have already had 20 years... I love them, I wear them to special functions or funerals, but most likely not going to be wearing them for work.  but again NOT for sale.

Good basic shoes for Summer, wonderful for pants and some skirts I have had these for over 20 years and enjoy them all the time! In case you haven't noticed... I love red and orange even in a work environment!

I get SO TIRED of BLACK....

Yep another great pair of summer shoes... enjoy these with several of my clothes... too many to name here. But a Favorite all the same.

These are perfect for when no other shoe will work... they are clear but give me a lift! LOVE these too.

Got these when I was 22, I like them but they are straw, so I rarely get to wear them due to all the rain here!   These will likely go up for sale any day now!   So take a good look and send me a PM.

Yep I really like velvet! and these are my perfect pant shoes for anything! not to mention how they can sas up a skirt! I'll be keeping these for a little while longer.

Ok....

So I have boots... Lots of boots... but I'll not be posting them here at this time so ... I have other photos to make and more shoes to size up before I can finish this post.  Stay tuned! I can only take so many photos, and I can only post so many things between studying and trying to funtion here!

will be back ASAP{

I am about to get back to my studying, but in order to do so I have got to get a few things off my mind.

I am more worried now about my future than I am today.  I know I am doing what I can to get through my classes... but with all the fire and drought in most of the country; typical people are ill connected with nature here; and few realize that our large agricultural areas not only feed people in the states but truly lots of people world wide as well.   This is going to be a horrible, pricey, and unforgettable winter!   I'm not one that likes an alarmist, but we are there people... not on the way... that was last month when farmers were praying for rain.  Today ... we are eating the last of last years crops and in November prices will go crazy! January if we are REALLY lucky!

Not the mention the regulations now on the oil companies to mix oil with corn? I have never understood that considering this is our only real thought to what happen to the Mayans other than their wanting to kill each other anyway... etc... Meaning corn eventually kills the soil unless done / planted correctly; meaning with some type of legume to replace SOME of what the corn extracts and a type of gourd in order to cover and protect the scared soil from erosion and weeds. 

No I am not a know it all, but the elders in our lives knew what they were doing once they settled.  They had time tested and true resolutions to situations... Corn sucks the life out of the soil! Beans  help to replace the nitrogen losses and use the corn stalk as a pole to grow UP, while pumpkins, squash, and bird / utilitarian gourds cover the ground with a shade that also helps to protect evaporation of water in times of drought!

How many CORPORATE farmers do you know that plant this way?   NONE! their equipment will not allow it!

So not only will the cost of our food go up, but the processing of our fuels will go up IN THE STATES due to our now required additive laws. 

While I am worried about life... I can't stop worrying about how much my food is going to cost this winter!   Yep... The only thing I can do is PLANT NOW... root veggies... carrots, parsnips, turnips, spinach, broccoli, cauliflower, kale etc... if protected it will do me some good with cutting down on the cost of my soups for the winter.

What does this matter? I can only do what I can do in order to save as my "kids" are my animals and I have to worry about how expensive their feed is going to be!  Yep! this is not only going to effect our raw food lines but also our meats!   FEED is mostly corn now a days, even for your dog (which should never eat corn) So my horses are going to have to cut back on their feed because it is going to be so expensive as well.  I only wish I had a way of getting feed, saving it for later.  I do not! I am but ONE WOMAN with no facilities near me for such efforts! Even personally this would require me creating a room that is mouse proof! I know of only one person in this area with such a set up! Smart Man!

In my lifetime we have gone from a 1/4 of the country with social support to over a 1/3... before this drought is over it will be over 1/2 ~   I'm just saying... people are going to have to start doing what they can for themselves with out relying on government support!   Help your self, help your neighbor, help your community, then your county, your state, THEN and only praying at that point our Government will catch on to how important it is for people to be and STAY self reliant so it helps our COUNTRY!

Get off the sofa people! Do something now to help yourself later!
Rant DONE!

OK... now that I have that off my back, I'm hitting the books again.

I have been studying.
Yes Studying to the point my eyes hurt, my head aches, and I'm humped over the desk so much my back hurts.

Yes... I know that means I'm getting old, my eyes need a check up, and I'm a whiner; and I agree I am all these things.. BUT I am doing what I can to make a change of occupations in this economy.

I am studying insurance, as we all need it, and especially in this economy when few of us have pennies to spare, we should plan for the worst and live for the day!

So as I have no money to spend, as I am making no money as I study, I have not had my nails done, instead I have cut them back and painted over them with a clear gloss... Yes some say this is crazy! Some women would never go with out perfect nails.  Truth is my hands look like a mans hand from all the physical work I do around the estate.

So I had a coating put on them... not acrylic, but that LCN stuff.  It works great for me, and it grows out like now ... without having a horrible yellowing effect from the UV like acrylic does.  I have also found the LCN stuff or maybe its LNC???? I cant remember ... stays on better for me and is growing out nicely without having to fill it in so much.

I'll keep filling them back till I have EXTRA money which may mean they will grow completely out before I get to have the stuff put on again.

I know it doesn't sound like much but ... as much as I love having my hands look like a girl it is money I am not willing to spend while I have very little in my savings etc...

What do you do without to make a change?

Life is all about the your view of the world. 
My view is HUGE at the moment... I see everything and yet nothing at all!

Dead trees about to fall on me? or is it the middle of winter? Is this photo just before the spring leaves appear? or is it just about me being lonely and feeling trapped?

Life is EVERYTHING!
Today life is a little easier, while I have not made it through the first chapter yet... my sweet husband sees I am trying very hard, that I am at my desk for 8 hours a day reading, testing, and making sure I understand what I am reading. 

My desk is a mess of things, hand written notes, a glossary pages printed by snip it only...
I am taking quiz's as I go... I can not wait till I get to the end of this chapter take the a chapter test and see how well I am doing.  I am going to assume I am doing better... because like it or not I am doing my best.

Life... a huge world... a world full of everything you can dream of... a world of good, bad, and the unknown!

This is just one more adventure in my life that I am taking without a map.  I am creating a map in my own mind... just like I do in a strange country before my husband is even out of bed; I am out searching for bread, chocolate and eggs; not necessarily in that order but ... I'd take them as I find them.

There is no telling what is lurking around the next corner!
A bakery?
A patisserie ?
Chickens?
I'm making a map in my mind of what I am learning and memorizing my path home. 
Even just writing here helps to clear my mind for more information...
Onward I go!

My love to the world...
AegF

I am paralyzed with fear!

I am without a job.

I am trying to study insurance, as we all need it, we all should have it, and it is something I know I can do to help people as time goes on.

I'm concentrating on life insurance for now, then I'll move and and learn more as I can eventually moving myself into a place where I can do more and more... OR SO I KEEP telling myself.

I feel like I've been shot.
I feel like I'm cracked and about to fall apart.
I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
I feel forgotten!

I have horses and birds to feed.
One horse is special needs... medical issues and all. While the other is a good horse, just a little crazy in the brain! But I love them both.

I have birds, three... one is special needs, she has but one eye, one good leg, and is fearful of the other birds at this point.  She needs more attention than the others

I'm not sure how this is going to work, as I am trying to study it is all online... I want a book, I crave a highlighter! I want to put sticky notes on pages and finger through them before I start a new chapter.  Chapter my @$$! a chapter is feeling more like a book.  I have yet to make it through a full chapter!

OH how scared I am!
OH I can only hope I can do this for me, for my family, for my animals...
please send me positive energy!
Please think or send good thoughts my way!

As amazing as it sounds, while still very fearfull of that no pay check in the weeks to come I am a happier person knowing I am making the right steps for Jerry and myself.  I will make it through this and I will come out of this dark tunnel once I can see a light at the end, assuming I don't walk head on into an on comming TRAIN!

Life...

If it's not putting you on your toes, what is it doing? What are you doing? Have you already settled into comfort?

I made a life decision that I may regret, I may not.  I have turned in my two week notice at the Inn.  I love the place, but there is no where to grow. I enjoy the people but I do not make enough to support myself in the event of an emergency.  Life is short and I have to 1/2 way enjoy what I am doing but I have to do my fair share of supporting the family unit as well.  (as we all do)

I have never turned in a notice NOT HAVING A JOB for the next day!

I am scared to death
I am paralyzed with fear.

if any one out there has any ideas... I'm open to hear them...

It was a history teacher. Mr Graves.

It is funny how we each have a teacher that touched us one way or another.

For me it was my History Teacher Mr. Graves.  I haven't a clue of his first name, I have no way of finding him, All I know is he got me to really think about "the rest of the story"  I had never thought of leaving Joelton by the age of middle school.  BUT as his class opened my eyes, and my mind I knew... I knew I would like to see more of the world and find out the rest of the story.

History was never a subject I liked,but as I traveled and found myself on ground I knew was referenced in the bible;  I could not help but to get the travel bug.

I find I enjoy being challenged by other cultures, throught processes, and experiences than what I find at home.

I find I expand myself each time I return as I bring back something with me I never considered before. It could be a new food, a new problem solving thought, a new way of dressing... my point is the world is endless if you allow yourself to grow! If you challenge yourself to do something different!  Even if it is a challenge of DOING less, GETTING less, and eventually WANTING less instead of feeling like you have to keep up with "the jones'" ( or your neighbors or society as a whole)  I found this to be exceptionally true as I see those with less are often the most happy as a culture, people, and as a family.  Having less is more of a bond for them to rely on eachother, share, and consider those around them.

So in short this man was the one that support the encouragement of my parents to be who I am, to be proud of it, to OWN it!  Traveling is a part of who I am a part of what I have to do, a part of what pushes me forward to learn more each day.

I'm a little different than most, but that is ok with me... only because I am ok with who I am and know I will never fit into a what society expects.  I upset a lot of people, I piss off a lot of people ... BUT they all know where they stand with me! 

While I have nothing to complain about while I am one of the few NOT in the triple digits this week, but my dear horses are having a hard time with the heat.  not eating, not moving much... I've started putting electrolites in their feed so they will drink more, but even with that I am going to the barn as much as I can to spray them down.

SweetPea is terrified of everything including the hose pipe.  So it takes a moment to get her hosed down good.

While Navarre goes to sleep each time I spray them down.

The fish water is also getting very warm so they too got another 4 inches of water, from my trusty resivoire.   I can only hope everything survives this horrible hot june weather... Now... it's actually July this is expected here but really... this has been a year of crazy weather.

I have a husband that is addicted to SALT!

I can't stand a lot of salt and it makes me worry about him daily...
In order to cut his salt intake... when I cook I use herbs.. Lots of herbs, several herbs... this is one of my little patchwork herb gardens...

What can you find?

three Sage.

and SEVERAL types of Thyme.   Not ot forget the rosemary and several types of potatoes... not that you can tell what types they are, but this is a good way to keep the bugs from potatoes ...

Yes there is lavender and oregano too... Lots to work with in a TINY little spot!

so as a friend of mine says... How does your garden grow?

up at three am, boiled water while microwaving yesterdays coffee, made coffee, poured the rest into my trusty mason jar, wrapped it with two towels and had a bath mat in the bottom of my old but trusty grocery bag.  On to the barn by 3:30 soaking, feeding, brushing while a good soak occurs...

Then back to shower, and work!

Now done with one computer job ... on to the next!

Yesterday was a whirlwind of a day. 
Some how I left my phone at home, but had this little vet emergency with Navarre, poor vet had to call my house, my boss, then finally I got to call them back.   As simple as we try to make life it is funny how difficult we cause it to be with one little side step.

making calls out, getting few calls back in... all while serving 12 a three course breakfast... cleaning/ turning over one room stripping two more doing 4 loads of laundry, and entertaining everyone in the house so they will come back.... Lovely day... but at least I was on my own and knew what ever going on (except for Navarre's foot) I had done all the negative to myself with no ones help.  I was able to laugh it off and get back on track by 1:30.  ahhhhhh what a day!

today is possibly getting 3200 gallons of water at the barn. While my trusty side kick (who is not fond of my large horses) tends to the horses while the large water tanker gets to the barn.

Gluing the phone to my hand as soon as the apparatus is invented to do so!

May today be less stressful than yesterday!
Here is to having enough peace within to make it through yesterday!
Here is to having enough today to do it again!

A...