still here and still working at it.

While I am not riding my bike as I had hoped... my leg is in pain when I do.  So I have altered my plan and doing only my PT exercises 17 of them twice a day. 

I am also riding my horses for two days each week and more if I can get the time.

Which is also to say I have gone back to work part time and working about three to four days a week.

Life is FULL, Crazy, and barely in control which is to say my house is a mess because I am at the barn most of the time I have off.

I will at least try to get one post in a week.

I am still eating mostly salads...
veggies...
nuts...
and have gone GF all the way!
I have not cheated on the GF at all which makes my stomach happy.

I have gone from 156 down to about  142,,, ... now if I can just get rid of the next ten I'll be better off!

We shall see as time continues.  But I'm still here, still working on me!


Hope life out there is full and wonderful !
my love to the world.

AegF

WOW... still at it!

Yep... I'm still at it! and I am doing OK! NOT PERFECT! but I am doing all I can.

Life here the past week was hard.
Hard because of all the snow.  Thus making the worry for my outside animals that much more pressing, and taking up more of my time.    In doing so it also made me want to ride my horses that much more, of which I just said what the heck and got on my horses.

I am still at it with my bike riding.  So much so I now feel the burn in my thighs each time I ride now.  I know that sounds strange but I think my quads are finally starting to wake up.  I am still doing the 15 exercises from PT each day and like an athlete in training... with my sets and reps of each ... YES it takes SO much of my time, but it is starting to pay off and go a little more smoothly each day as well.  To the point I will need to add weight any day now.

Lets not forget with all the snow I have also been walking up the mountain ...

I have to say though... Yesterday was the best day yet!  I got to ride my wild and crazy horse off my property and out in the woods but the footing was so bad we had to cut the ride short so not to stress my horses legs too much.  They are as out of shape as I am with my not being able to ride all last year.

I did CHEAT!... yep... when I finally got to back into work there was a coke with my name on it from Christmas... I drank 1/2 one day and the last of it TODAY!...
I also had an apple with caramel one day... So I got sugar this last week!

I am still good on the gluten free and the non GMO thing I put on myself.

I feel good and my knee is GREAT!

I am sorry I didn't get the computer in everyday much less I didn't realize it had been a week sense last I wrote.... But you can all say what you will  I am doing ok... but will make sure to cut out even the slightest bit of sugar once again.    It is important to me, so back to it I go.  Besides I loose weight better and faster with no sugar in the diet.  but like a drug addict I crave and so badly see it everywhere!

To life!
To living life!
To living life to its fullest!

My love to the world
AegF

 

YES i have been riding! everyday!

Ok...
So while I wanted to ride LOTS I have had to cut back again to only once a day... sometimes longer than others but always at least 10 minutes


I have also been able to get to work a few hours last week and again today!


Not only working, riding, but the weather makes me walk up the mountain more so than not these days...
Tomorrow will be one of those days.... 
While I have tried on several occasions to post a silly phone video something continues to go wrong.

So I'll just tell you that it is a BEAUTIFUL snow my way... thus my hike tomorrow morning with be FUN!

over did it!

With my tiny 15 minutes on the bike yesterday I really over did it.
My leg was shaking all of yesterday and the pain in great still late into today.

I am going to get back on the bike tonight before I go to sleep, but I can assure you it will NOT be at the tension I used yesterday morning only!   and it will not be for 15 minutes.

Having to take a step back as I took too large a step forward yesterday.

Life is slightly grey today due to over doing it yesterday.

LIFE... it happens and I did this to myself feeling too good about it, and going forward too fast.

Day four

While it is only day 4 my leg is really screaming!

I got on the bike this morning and stayed on it 15 minutes.  I know it doesn't sound like much at all but this is a leg that could not do 4 minutes the first day.

Yes it hurts, and I feel nothing in the good leg, so we are doing something!

Doing this much made my leg very weak for walking into the barn to feed the horses, so I can only think I will have to stick to this time/length of a ride for a while.

Yes I plan to do this twice more today.
The plan...
15 minutes early morning... Done...
15 minutes mid day...
and 15 before I go to bed!

Doing what I can, as I can, however I can witch what I have.

third day!

ok... got on the bike again today!
I not only rode the thing for the same time as yesterday but added to it which is really my plan.

I go without Gluten about 99% of the time.  I do have my down days and I pay for it, but my real addiction is SUGAR.

I have also cut out SUGAR! OMG....
I think this is the hardest thing I have done in years.
I do not like any replacements so at this point the only sugar I am using is HONEY and VERY very sparingly xmpl... two (measured) tablespoons of honey to a gallon of berry tea.  I keep non caffeine so I can drink it during the day and it not keep me up at night.

I drink COFFEE first thing in the morning but black with nothing in it.

yes I eat meat but I rarely crave it! I do better with no meat and enjoy eggs, cream, cheese, and love fish but good fish is hard to come by! I eat it all but only if I crave it... I do however always have meat on hand for the hubby! He loves and craves meat on a regular basis.

I have for months been trying to get away from soda.  I have an addiction to Coke Cola NOT Pepsi... Pepsi had me till Coke stopped making "the real thing" and tried to change their receipt.  Even at that point it was that coldest of cokes on a hot day that burned the back of my throat that I craved.   As I type this my husband has a TWO litter bottle of COKE on our kitchen counter.  I have thus far not touched the darn thing but I crave it so dearly it is CRAZY!

Sugar has been my saving grace on a hard day.

Fat is my next big kick! But hear me NOW I am NOT ready to give up my fat!
I use real cheese, real sour cream, real everything including HEAVY CREAM which I love!!!!!!

I cut out the sugar because of what it REALLY does to the body!  It creates inflammation and my leg is so bad I had to give it help with all the healing I am expecting of it.  Not to forget that my wonderful Blue Cross Blue Shield Platinum plan has required a PRE-APPROVAL for a freaking anti-inflammatory medication that has been around for 20 years!~  

The doctors here blew me off.  released me with only a prescription as needed but never got rid of the issues or even 1/2 way addressed them as it was.

So I have still NOT gotten my meds so I had to address the issues alone.   Diet and teas have been my thing to get back on my feet.

I am enjoying the bike but the muscles are painful at night.  It makes going to sleep harder, but it has to be done.


I will be getting back on the bike later again today although I have already surpassed yesterdays time.
I can only do what I can do, but I am going to give it all I have.

Walter Mitty!

OK... you have to understand I love movies but I gave up going to the movie house when I gave up the first husband.


My now (second)  husband also LOVES the movies!
And on occasion I choose to go with him, this was one of those rare days!


A date day... not a night... life is cheaper at lunch, matinee, and fewer kids to deal with at a movie!


We saw The Secret Life of Walter Mitty!
I realized I have always been a Walter Mitty!
I was the kid that had day dreams, while I didn't zone out, my mind rushed ahead of every conversation and created its own version of what ever was going on. It was a pain (for me and I am sure others) as a kid, I'm sure it's only one of the many reasons I was an outsider as a kid... (besides the glasses, a forehead the size of most kids entire head, the orthopedic shoes (they were SO nasty) and the inability to read as fast as everyone else.) Thank GOD I didn't have braces too!





I dreamed of travel. I wanted, I needed to see how the rest of the world lived.
I lived in a world where my every move was critiqued each day, where I wasn't just me; I was THE example for those behind (younger) me.  I was suppose to be good, only do the right thing, and my day dreaming became my only escape.   While Joelton is a place that owns my heart and I would move back in a minute given a good reason and the right chance to do so.  I love the people, I love the area, I love community, and my heritage there. But I knew life outside of my little home town had to be exciting! It had to be incredible!  It was going to be life changing if and when I ever got out. My small world was SO basic and the life I choose now is very basic. BUT I love my dreams and I love to travel.  I have always day dreamed. 


I was not good in school!
My brain was horribly divided between science and art. I couldn't just concentrate on one thing and quickly switch to the other... So depending on what side of the brain I used the other subjects suffered.






Back in the day when money was abundant and the economy flowed like water; my husband and I could travel twice a year one new place once a year and one repeat place for new adventures really learning a place and its culture.


I am a small town girl who never thought she would ever do anything.  And while in the outside world I have done little; but for a town that was a population of about 2000 I have done more than I ever dreamed I would.


In REALITY...
I have ridden horses I will never be able to afford.
I have traveled a few tourist places Machu Picchu, Sacred Valley, Cusco, Lima, Quito, Tikal, Copan, Athens Greece, Tahiti, Bora Bora, Lake Titicaca, Panajachel, Peten, Belize, Cozumel, Chicen itza , Tulum, and some others.
I have traveled more off beat places... Copper Canyon, Divisadero Barrancas,  Batopilas, Antigua, Ischiguan ; actually too many off beat places to list as we normally get our own car and drive around and go and do what ever we want.  Rarely do we get a group trip, guided trip, or anything of the sort.




In my mind... that are in the word of my dreams...
I have ridden Grand Pre Level horses worth more than I will make in my life time.
I have seen peace.  I have seen places that purified my mind.
I have seen the thumb print of our higher power on the earth.
I have traveled places that were so Jurassic park I expected animals long gone to come from the bush.
I have traveled places that almost not humanly possible for their time.
I have roasted marshmallows over running lava.
I have walked down a mountain as the earth glowed below my feet.
I have walked the earth referenced in biblical times.
I have walked the halls of ancient gods


I am amazed at simple solutions
I am amazed at the survival instincts of humans
I am amazed with ART being a way of life for everything some have.
I am amazed with how cultures evolve.
I am amazed with how fast paced we live in the US
I long for the simplicity of other countries


The simplicity of life
The simplicity of how things work
The real foods cooked over an open fire.
The real family unit that congregates in the park every night.

I dream
I dream all the time.
Just like the frozen ground and the lava rock sounds
Much like lighting my candles in the water box, but when I did I was using matched I got in Greece so ... it carried me back to a time of incredible architecture, ,fresh sardines, Greek yogurt with nuts and honey. 


I will never be able to skate board down a mountain side.
I will never be in a shark fight (although I have swam with several types of sharks I'm not THAT stupid)


We each have our own way of doing things.
But now I know mine is Walter Mitty Style... Do it; don't think about it too much just DO IT! 
If you really worry about the money you'll never go any where.
If you really worry about the security you'll never experience what few others do.
If you think about it too much you will not live it only survive it.
Do you want to LIVE LIFE...
like it or not you will never SURVIVE LIFE...

ok... yep

Life is good...
I got back on the bike first thing this morning.  I'm not sure if it was the bike OR the horseback riding yesterday, but my butt is killing me.  Not to forget the muscles in my right leg are very sensitive! I can feel each move and it has not registered as normal with my brain yet.  Muscles I have not used in years are incredibly upset!

I've been on the bike twice today thus far. Short commercial spurts but getting hot and sweaty all the same.

I do plan to get on the bike at least once more today thus I will have been on the bike once more than yesterday.

My truck is still out of service, my car is steel being worked on, so my trips to the barn are still in my husbands SUV that I hate to get dirty.  When my life is all about stinking and smelling like a horse this is so hard to avoid with a perfectly kept vehicle to drive.

At any rate... life is good and my second bike day is as planned.

Well I got started...

Trying to make big changes is HARD to do...


I have had my knee worked on as of late and need to work on my muscles in order to get more done.


Today I started getting on my bicycle.  


I said getting onto the bike... I have only ridden it for minutes but hope to add to it daily.


I guess we will see how this goes!

Family

On the go.

While I am VERY thankful to have a part time job.  I am still in search for that full time job!

While I am not full time employed with insurance benefits. My life is about how much I can save money, and what I can make for us to eat and how to extend it as far as we can.

I am getting  more and more done around the house that I was not able to get done while working at Pirates' Lair, Pet Sitting, and working at the clothing store.

I have a friend that is planning to come in next month some time, so this is making me clean out the guest room that I had turned into my work clothes dressing room.   You have to understand there is very little room to walk around this extra room.  Very very little space.

As I go through my things I am throwing out, donating, and planning a yard sale for as soon as I can.
There is no telling if anything I have is worth anything but... I've got to start getting rid of so much stuff that I do not use on a regular basis.

I figure the store is likely not to need me very often.  Thus the horses will no longer have shoes as of the end of the month!   Cutting my monthly (6week) bills down almost 200 dollars a month.

October...

It is the month the trees have or are going to change colors.
Most people think this is the month of Orange, and it is... BUT it is the color of PINK as well.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

As I type this I have a family member who has struggled with this for YEARS. 
I have had a breast exam every year after the age of 40 because ...
My mothers sister has breast cancer to this day.
My 2nd cousin had breast cancer. My Grandmothers Brothers eldest daughter.

So both of those are on one side.

My fathers side says little about anything... but my grandmothers sister died of Ovarian Cancer, and the other sister never had children ? due to what they called "female problems" ? I hate when they hide stuff... but many families do.

We all have to remember your history of cancers should go back at least THREE generation.

I hate having my mammogram each year because I have little to no breast so they clamp down on the muscle tissues behind the breast as well.  BUT who cares if like my Aunt .. it was not six months AFTER her mammogram that she was diagnosed with stage 4 .  This is how aggressive this thing can be.  Not always and not most of the time but why take your chances if it is.

I'm not one that preaches pink all year.. I'm not one that shoves it into the internet waves every chance I get, but we may as well all be proactive on preventative.  If not! Why run having to catch up after a diagnosis. 

Life is short don't make yours shorter and more painful out of stupidity!
Done with the rant!

I forgot

 

I got up this morning and realized I had left all my washing on the clothes line.  So... after doing billing and shipping for my husbands business, going to the barn and taking care of the horses.  I came back to the house to this!

They were WET so they had to stay out the rest of the day till I did my eight hours at work, took care of the horses once again... THEN I got in most of it!  They were already starting to get damp again when I finally got home.  So I left the horse stuff on the line and brought in my clothes, sofa covers and things that I was going to need again in the next few hours. 

 

I can only hope they dry tomorrow morning as I get to go into the store a little later than today.

 

Saving money using the cloth line is wonderful! But like everything else that saves money you really have to have a plan and stick to it to make it work perfectly.

 

 

I hope your life is a colorful as mine!

 

 

Fall approaches.

The sun is trying to peak through the fog.
The house is quiet. The windows open.  The birds chirp in and outside the house.
The only noise are the cars driving by.

A perfect morning.
It is this time of the day I miss my Nannie, Pawpaw & Aunt Gale.

I drink my coffee straight no calories!  But what feeds my soul is how my mind takes me back to a green Formica covered door.  Cornet coffee cups, and one heavy china mug clinking down on the table. The sounds as each are at different full and empty levels.  How instead of each leaving one by one there were hours at that table. We all stayed till there was a finishing point for the day.

While it was not the Cosby show where all was perfect in 30 minutes but its was a source of honest bouncing boards, real caring ears that would listen to anything; very little judgement and a WORLD of support.  Who has that today? Where has it gone?   I can only hope I get do do that for my nieces and nephew.

I live so far away!

I so want to figure this one out but no more bouncing board no more talks, coffee, or that special hand that comes from across the table!

Fall ... fresh colors lots of fog.  Cool breezes, and  having to be my own bouncing board.  I can only figure this is going to be a season of growth for me!   I am having to admit it for fall and I'll have to try to perfect it this winter by myself.  Oh dear I have to be the grown up.  I have to be a helper instead of the one helped. 

Seasons , life roles... it is a change!  It is scary!  But it is what it is! 

I can't image. While I try, it is SO hard!

I've been almost consumed by family happenings as of late.   All from a great distance (thank goodness)

We all experience death.  We all see it, get hurt, and know it is going to touch us at some point or another.

I have lost all four of my grandparents, although unlike most it was well into my adulthood before any of my grandparents slowed down, acted their age, and finally accepted their circle.
I have lost Aunts, Uncles and distant relatives but NEVER anyone my age or close to it.
I still have both of my parents, as 1 in 10 kids loose a parent before they get out of high school, much less into the mid and late forties like myself and still having both and a relationship with both.
I still have all my first cousins and then some, and I still have both of my siblings.

I can not imagine the loss of a sibling.  I can not image the loss of anyone younger than myself, but this what I am imaging as someone in my family is going to experience this for the first time in my immediate circle. 

Yes my Nannie lost her younger brother, Yes my cousins lost a sibling in their younger years and one has lost her only sister.  THIS is what I can not imagine and it is a true deep abyss to think about the consoling of someone who is about to experience it.

I have TWO sisters.   And while you would think we were all cut of different cloth we are still woven on the same loom with the same back ground and I have that unwritten connection with them.

While one strives for perfection in her life; as much socially as she does on physical things.  While I have no attraction to either.  I would live in the back woods rarely talking to another human and be fine.  I still live with items much like a college student who can't afford anything new or better.  My house is very small compared to most, and my life style is more of being outside and in the dirt than it is about social conversations at the very least.

The other strives for control; as much as any human can.  She strives to do the right thing and to help others do the right thing.  While I personally try to do the right thing, I could care less if it is politically correct.  I wish others did the right thing but I'm not a shepherd.  I can only be what I am and I am only a human!

Don't get me wrong.  I more than enjoy nice things, but they do nothing for me on a daily basis.
I just want to survive in a world that is filled with craziness and things you pray your kids never have to experience.

Oh yea then there is me... I'm the selfish one that knew I would never be able to bring up kids the way I was.  I knew it took a village for me to be 1/2 as level headed as I am and I knew I wanted to experience the world, see things my family had never dreamed of, and to do what ever excited me without the worry of affecting the life of a child for which I would be responsible.  In all truth I NEVER expected to live this long and thought I would be the one struck by lightening and taken out of the book early in life.  And I'm not afraid of it! I've done most of all things I ever wanted to do.  So I live life each day as it could be our last (my hubby and myself) together.  We never know! Some get some warning.  What they do with that is another story!

I would be at the side of each sister in a moment of knowing they needed me.  I would give my life for their children... yes all three... two by one and one by the other.  I have little to no daily connection to any of them.  I suppose I am an embarrassment to one, and the other so busy doing what is right and trying to help everyone else she doesn't ? well think of me or my hubby much any more.

I think of them all the time, as I have chosen a slower lifestyle but they are so busy rarely do we connect when I do call. 

I wish I could hug their kids each morning, share breakfast with their kids, share family stories, share a more simple lifestyle that was shared with me, share the energy of ALL walks of life, how no matter what anyone has or how they choose to live we are all equal humans.  Not a single one of us is any better than the other.

I know.... some religions think good deeds help erase the bad things we do. 
Some people think religion is fine but has no place in business.
Some people live by religion and I like that!   Personally I can't stand any religion that uses fear or points as a way into "heaven"  
All I can tell the world is there is a choice and for EVERY choice there is a consequence. This is fate!
Science! Math! and Life!   All I know if for me... If I do something to hurt someone, it is going to come back on me in some form, and like the "bible" most likely in 10 fold!

I am not one that is going to judge a persons religion, lifestyle, sex, or job.  What I will judge is if they are 1/2 way fair to all those around them, this means those they do not see, serving their every whim etc...  

I believe in a higher power and I believe in family.  I have family I am very separated from due to their choices long long ago.  I have family I choose not to be around due to daily choices still made.  I have family I choose to stay away from due to scars they inflicted on another member or worse multiple members.  I want to hug them, I want to share with them, but doing right is MORE than needed it is expected!

While my sisters may or may not know how much I love them.  I love them dearly! If I had money to give it would be theirs. If I had a room to share it would be theirs. If they need of any basic I am going to make sure they have it.  I love my sisters beyond what they see or imagine, and I can't imagine a world without them no matter what they think. 

My heart bleeds for the family member whom is about to experience the loss of someone younger.  A friend, someone whom that invisible string attaches the hearts together as one, seeing the struggle and it taking your breath. It is amazing how the choice of one physically effects the other, it is not just the heart ache, it is the thought process it effects.  How the pain repaints your world, the colors you see, the flavor you taste, even how you hear words around you.  It is more painful than a chosen family member only in that there really is an invisible string, that some ignore! some try to cut, and others never get to experience except with their child.  The circle of life that must be respected, but the loss is painful, almost debilitating, but society expects us to continue like nothing happened.  (this is where I believe the Jewish faith has a major point ... their rituals of death...I believe it is called Shiva?  how this was dropped from most of society I have no idea)

Ok.. so I have put it all out there!
Call it a letter of reality.
Call it a letter of sympathy.
Call it a love letter to my sisters?

What ever it is ... it is what it is... and it is going to happen.
I'm here!

My love to the world.
AegF